The Relief of Failure

Sometimes you set your heart and mind to something and you realize part of the way in that it is requiring more from you than you bargained for.  Maybe you agreed to play for a sports team, be in a band, or won a spelling bee.  With each success, more is required of you.  You start investing more time and more of yourself in it so you can advance to the next level, make the next playoff game.  But sometimes along the way you realize that what you're doing is taking more from you than it is giving.

When that happens, failure can be a relief.  Suddenly the schedule frees up, and the pressure is off.  Of course, there is always the momentary letdown of the loss.  But in the long run, sometimes the lessening of expectation isn't necessarily a bad thing.  Succeeding beyond your level of commitment to something is a difficult position to be in.  Often others get involved, who are more enthusiastic about your continued success than you are, and suddenly you feel the additional pressure of expectation.

Yes, this happened to me today.  I was playing on online Survivor game, and I got voted out.  I've played three times, and this is the first time I didn't make the final.  I was the third member of the jury (for those that means anything to).  This was the first time I've seen myself get votes other than to win the game at the end.  It was a weird feeling, but I'm SO relieved!  With the health struggles my Dad has had of late, I feel so much better not feeling there are people in my alliance counting on me to perform and network to push us forward in the game.

Did I do my best?  No.  But I gave what I felt I could afford to give, and it wasn't enough.  People out there I don't know and will never meet probably think I'm less of a player now.  And frankly, I don't really care.  I'm just glad it is over (aside from voting at the end for a winner).